Its About Being All You Can Be

   

Paul and Me

    I can remember our days at Fort Bragg.  For our second tour there, I arrived pregnant.  That fall, our youngest was born, delivered from above in the Home of the Airborne Soldier.  His dad, a jumpmaster...his mom, a dirty nasty leg (non airborne soldier).  You can't go to airborne school with bum knees.   Still, I did my best to be all I could be.  When he was a year old, I was a 35 year old Captain (I had prior service)  and I weighed exactly 20 pounds more than I do today.  I took an Army Physical Fitness Test (APFT) that December and earned my Physical Training Badge for scoring the maximum 300 on the Army Physical Fitness Test.  I think I did this purely on adrenalin.  My knees were pretty bad even then.  I just ran through the pain. 

   After that test, I never ran again for an APFT.  The issues with my knees just got worse.  And it spread to issues with my back.  Others noticed before I did.  When I ran in formation, I drifted...bumping into other runners.  I eventually went to the clinic.  They prescribed 800 mg Motrin.  They said I should take some time off from running.  They never went further, even with my history of knee problems.  We transitioned to our next assignment.  My knee never healed.  On a running profile that seemed never to end, I took the alternate APFT.  I maxed both the push ups and sit ups, but I had to take the alternate cardio test, I rode a bike.  On the alternate test, it is a go/no go score.  There is no max, no badge for doing your best.   I merely got a "go". 

    By 2001, when we reported to our assignment at Fort Huachuca, I was done.  When I signed in, I was told with the damage to my knee, I would face a medical board.  In the end, I faced two.  The first was like a cursory exam.  The second was done by the hospital commander, an Orthopedic doctor.  She took a more thorough look.  She did a second surgery that helped some, but it was too late now that it had spread to my back...and my other knee.  By the time it was all done, a laundry list of issues were discovered and I was retired from active duty.  On my last day, I asked what was I to do now... They merely told me to go home.  What they failed to do was to tell me what was next.  All I could think was...that's it?  I'm broken and you are kicking me to the curb?  I had spent my entire adult life in uniform.  The Army was my family.  Yet, there I was, sitting on the couch, waiting for further orders (and a hug).  

   When I began this blog, I did so because I wanted others out there to know its okay to feel broken or lost.  At times, we all do.  It doesn't mean its over.  Its all about being all you can be, finding your path, moving forward, and never giving up on yourself.  I had to reach deep down to find that warrior I knew was inside of me.  I had to crawl out of that hole I'd been buried in, raise my fist, and say, "No more."   

   I am 47 years old.  I have been out of the Army since October 2003.  I am broken, battered, bruised, and well, I guess I am now considered middle age...but I am still doing all I can do.  I am making better choices in the food I put in my body, and I am working out at least 5 out of 7 days a week.  No more whining about how much it hurts.  And no more fad diets.      

   I woke up this morning, still suffering from a head cold...I blew my nose.  There was blood.  I thought, "Well, that can't be good."  Still, I put on my work out clothes and followed my daily routine... I was sweating like crazy on that treadmill, but I made it through my five mile walk.  Today, at 1000hrs, my workout was complete.  When I stepped out of the shower, I already knew that today was going to be a good day.  My knee didn't give out once, even walking up the stairs.  I had done 300 repetitions of my little 5 pound weights, 20 push ups, 100 sit ups, and 50 butt lifts.  I drank a big glass of water, then remembered I was out of orange juice.  Mmmm...head cold + orange juice = feeling better.  I bundled up and popped out to the grocery store to get some.  When I came back, I made my whey protein drink.  As I drank, I wondered if the change in barometric pressure (its going to rain again) would make my knees hurt, my wrists give out (carpal tunnel), my big toes cramp up (one of my weirder issues)..to name a few.     

   When I checked my email, I had gotten one from an old military friend we haven't seen in years.  I had asked him to vote for me in the "Face of Fitness" contest a few days ago.  He had never responded, so I sent it again thinking it didn't go through.  He came back with, "I've voted once.  Enough already."  I felt bad.  Even with all my wonderful friends voting over and over, this one email made me feel down...sad.  I certainly didn't mean to be a bother, a nuisance.  

   You see, its not about the winning.  It never has been.  I entered this contest to get visibility on my blog.  I wanted people to read it, to share ideas with their friends and family, to talk about health and fitness.  This country is suffering from an epidemic of health related issues.  We are stressed out, eating the wrong foods, not getting enough sleep.  Its not about the cover of a magazine or a trip to Hawaii.  Its about wanting to inspire people to believe in themselves...to know its never too late...to find your warrior inside, to be your personal best, and well, to be all you can be.