I mentioned yesterday that we were going to the promotion ceremony of a dear friend. Well, we arrived earlier than expected. You never know what kind of traffic you will hit driving into DC. My husband dropped the ladies (myself included) off at parking lot. He had brought the truck, so no parking was available. He had to go over to the airport to park, then Metro back. We did the necessary security checks, then followed our escort a very long way to the auditorium where we sat and waited for the Gentlemen. I haven't been to the Pentagon in years, not since my husband retired from active duty. As I walked through its seemingly endless corridors, I couldn't help but notice how much it has changed over the years. No longer did the building have the feel of confining catacombs like it once did when I was a Major. I know many changes have taken place. But perhaps, not only the building has changed. Perhaps, I have changed.
I once heard "You cannot change the wind, but you can adjust your sail." You can't change things around you, but you can change how you react to them. I don't know if I ever mentioned it, but along with my many physical ailments, I have a few others that seem to haunt me. I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), anxiety disorder, and I've been known to have issues with panic disorder. I also have Fybromyalgia pain which has been attributed to stress. For years, I have fought the battle with facing my fears and my anxieties. What can I say? I did mention that I was pretty messed up from my time in service. I am fortunate to have a wonderful, loving husband that puts up with me. Though he always claims its me putting up with him.
I have become an expert at controlling my environment, ensuring I am not in situations that would trigger my issues. The Pentagon was once a trigger. You see, I also battle claustrophobia. Wandering through those halls, one can feel confined with no way out.
I tell you all this because, yesterday, I had no such feeling. Between our arrival, the ceremony (which was standing room only...our friend who was promoted is much beloved by many), and our departure...I didn't once get that anxious feeling. I walked the halls, admiring the changes to the place I once worked, and I had a smile on my face. I walked the hallways with pride to have once been a part of the Pentagon experience. Had I washed away all the fear I once felt?
Truth is...The Pentagon was still the same. She had a shiny new coat of paint, and we still made wrong turns as we tried to find our way around. The building structure was still just as confusing. She had not changed. Truth is...The wind did not change. I only adjusted my sail.
I could walk the Pentagon for miles, and I knew it. I had become healthier, more fit, and in the process lessened some of pain I once had. When we were asked if we wished to take the elevator, I chose take the stairs. I held on to the railing, but I was doing stairs...with these knees. Even out of uniform, I felt like I belonged there.
In the evening, we attended our friend's promotion party. It was crowded with friends and family. Someone bumped into me and spilled my drink. I sat the cup down on the table and moved on. No worries. I had a great time. I chatted with old friends. I made new ones. There were a lot of hugs. Not only did my anxieties not become an issue, I stood the whole time, and my back didn't hurt. My back with its herniation, its degenerative disease, its bone spurs, and that straightened C-Spine...that back that I can usually set my watch too...(its going to be 15 minutes on my feet before I feel that twinge and have to sit down). I didn't sit down once.
When we left the party, I felt wonderful. I was a bit tired from the long day that I had begun with a five mile walk, 300 repetitions of my weights, 100 sit ups, 20 push ups, ad 50 butt lifts, but I had no pain and no anxiety. And you'll note, I added an extra mile for all the walking I did after my morning walk. It was a good day and I wanted more. I wanted to reach out to others and say, "You can do this too." You can have great days...just by adjusting your sail.
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