Yesterday afternoon, a female Cardinal flew into our sun room window. She hit too hard. There was nothing I could do. I watched her die. It made me think. Life is such a fragile thing. When I got out of the Army nearly eight years ago, I felt fragile. The doctors had said there was nothing they could do to help me. I was too broken to continue in the active Army. They were right. Though that time is a blur now, I do remember the fear, the anxiety, the rapid heartbeat. I remember feeling so alone in the world. Why didn't anyone want to heal me, fix me? Like that bird, I was fragile.
Today we woke up, for the third day in row, to the song "Green Eyed Lady". Two mornings ago, we thought it was just cool that the alarm clock radio would come on to one of my all time favorite songs. But yesterday, when it did it for a second time, we realized my iPod was automatically kicking on to the song. We decided to keep it on. Its a good wake up song. My back was hurting, so I tried to take it easy. I didn't want to twist it. For a minute or two, I just sat there at the top of the stairs. The cat came up, my moral support for the journey down. I scratched her head, then, we slowly descended together. My knees creaked. Like most mornings, I held on to the banister.
I followed my usual routine today. I watched as my boys left for school and work, then headed down to our home gym. Its raining again. From the looks of it, I won't be walking outside for a while. No worries. I watched the news and walked on the treadmill. The rain really makes my knees ache, but I continue to walk. Once I reach five miles, I step off the treadmill, wipe off with a towel, and drink a large glass of water. I look in the mirror. I don't see a forty-eight year old woman and I don't see fragile. I see strong and healthy. Sure, I still have pain, but strength trumps pain any day of the week. I think to myself...maybe, I am not like a little bird anymore. Maybe, now I am an eagle. Then I finished my workout.
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