The Doctor Will See You

Last month, I got this notice in the mail from our health care clinic.  It was a reminder.  They do it every year on my birth month.  Your doctor may do the same.  It said I was good until 2013 on the cervical cancer screening, I was due a cholesterol screening, and as breast cancer screenings go, I may or may not be due because recommendations vary.  I ask you...how politically correct is that?  With no past issues and no family history, I choose to get my mammogram every two years (one recommendation).  When I turn fifty, I'll get one every year (another recommendation).  Fifty is also when I will begin getting those lovely colonoscopies.  My husband has already had them.  He said they weren't that bad.  Uh huh... Sure...I believe him...not that bad.  Tough guy.  They put you under for the procedure.  The last time they "put me under" was in 1987 when I had my first knee surgery.  I had an allergic reaction to the anesthesia.  It wasn't pleasant.  My mother was there by my side.  Scared her half to death.  I'm told she was running down the hall screaming, "Help! My baby can't breathe."  It all turned out for the best.  I'm still here.  But my next knee surgery was done by way of an epidural.  I haven't been "put under" since.  
I don't think I've had a full physical since my medical board.  That was back in 2003.  I'm due.  So, I called to make an appointment.  As it turned out, my primary care provider (whomever that is this week..docs come and go), is on maternity leave.  How nice.  No worries.  Its rare that I see the same doctor more than once or twice.  Sure, I've had my favorites over the years, but I am not particularly loyal to any one doctor.  Who's available?  They set me up with a "provider"...exactly one month from now.  What is a "provider"?  Is that a real doctor?  Or like our Halloween costumes from last year, maybe that's someone who is pretending to be a doctor.  Do I at least get a real nurse?

According to Wikipedia, "A health care provider is an individual or an institution that provides preventive, curative, promotional or rehabilitative health care services in a systematic way to individuals, families or communities."  


Okay, let's see...what will my physical consist of and do I really need someone with a bunch of letters trailing behind their name to see me for a physical?  Maybe...maybe not.  The provider will take a medical history.  In other words, they will give me lots of forms to fill out, then ask questions relating to what I have written (because they really don't know me).  He or she will check my vital signs.  Not complicated.  I think our bathroom scale can do that.  The nurses will have already checked my height and weight before the provider even sees me.  The lab will most certainly draw blood and handle any blood and urine tests.  
They will all give me strange looks as they pass by the small room they assign me too.  I refuse to close the door.  I know they hate this, but my issues with claustrophobia are more important than their routine practice of leaving patients in a small antiseptic space for an undetermined amount of time.  Besides, I've found that leaving the room open quickens their pace.  
It seems like a lifetime since I was seeing the doc for back pain that had me in tears or the ongoing refills for my migraine meds.  Over the past year, my appointments have been for refills on multivitamins I probably could have bought in the local grocery store.  The reason I don't is simple...the clinic offers smaller pills.  The grocery store only offers horse pills.  One thing I've learned...if you won't take the vitamins, they won't help you.  Okay, I guess gummys are an option, but I'm not there as yet.  
Last year, when I went to doc after losing a few pounds, they were convinced I had thyroid issues.  I wanted to yell, "HELLO!  I am eating right and exercising.  I am not having thyroid issues."  Are they so used to people with problems, they can't recognize those who have taken charge of their lives and improved their habits?  Okay...probably.  I did go from on/about 135 to on/about 118...but it wasn't overnight.  It took a while.  It took a lot of work, a lot of commitment to get healthier.  Maybe, they were looking at my family history of diabetes.  Maybe, they were looking at my numerous medical issues.  I don't know what they they were thinking.  People CAN change the course of their lives through diet and exercise.  Its never too late to change.   I may be broken, but I'm not dead yet.                


The appointment is next month.  Am I worried?  Well, there is a reason why we dressed up like a doctor and a nurse for Halloween last year.  Halloween is for scary stuff.  I fear hospitals.  There it is.  I admit it.  Supposedly, its common.  http://www.fearofstuff.com/places/fear-of-hospitals/  Does that  mean I should start taking anti-depressants?  I don't think so.  I think my best course of action is to limit my visits to medical places.  How?
Easy...

BY BEING A HEALTHY LADY!

And for those times when I do have to visit that scary place with the strange smells and tiny rooms that seem to absolutely envelop you, I'll do like I do with everything else.
I'll handle it...one issue at a time.
1)  I'll bring my iPod (something to occupy my mind).
2)  I'll insist they keep the door to the tiny room open.
3)  I'll close my eyes, breathe deep and smile.
4)  When they poke needles in my arm to run tests, I'll tell jokes.
5)  I'll bring plenty of antibiotic wipes.  

 And maybe, I'll pretend they are all just dressed up for Halloween.